Your aunt’s note is viscerally painful to me. I’m sorry you received it. I know that pain, coming from my deceased birth father’s brother, my uncle. Even though we adoptees temper our expectations, it’s nonetheless breathtaking to experience.
Tony, your writing is always informative for those of us who are just beginning to understand the real stories behind the adoption myths. The denial of basic human rights to identity are astounding.
Glad that you are on Substack now that Twitter is very broken.
I also once received an email from an aunt I had reached out to and got a response that I wasn’t quite expecting. Not easy. I also dread the holidays, especially Mother’s and Father’s Day. It’s awkward once you are in reunion.
Have you had contact with your siblings yet ? If not, I would reach out to them as they have a right to know you as you do them .... My Bio Mother has long passed, but did get to spend 10 years with her. Have one sibling on that side (the only other left now) who refuses to accept me. Sad, she is only 13 months younger and was raised by her. Am 75 and just last year through Ancestry a gentleman reached out to me saying he thought his Grandfather was my Bio Father and his Mother would be my Sister ... You see, I had ALWAYS believed my Adoptive Dad WAS my Bio Dad and guess what, he was not and indeed I had a Sister, Nephew and learned about my Bio Dad. Met Eva, my Sister last year and she is 9 years younger than me. Quite a surprise indeed. Father's Day, today ... has a lot of emotions for me but for me my Adoptive Dad will ALWAYS be MY Dad ... my Bio Dad for me is just a Sperm Donor ....
Your aunt’s note is viscerally painful to me. I’m sorry you received it. I know that pain, coming from my deceased birth father’s brother, my uncle. Even though we adoptees temper our expectations, it’s nonetheless breathtaking to experience.
Thank you, Marsi.
Tony, your writing is always informative for those of us who are just beginning to understand the real stories behind the adoption myths. The denial of basic human rights to identity are astounding.
Glad that you are on Substack now that Twitter is very broken.
Thank you so much, Freyja!
I also once received an email from an aunt I had reached out to and got a response that I wasn’t quite expecting. Not easy. I also dread the holidays, especially Mother’s and Father’s Day. It’s awkward once you are in reunion.
Have you had contact with your siblings yet ? If not, I would reach out to them as they have a right to know you as you do them .... My Bio Mother has long passed, but did get to spend 10 years with her. Have one sibling on that side (the only other left now) who refuses to accept me. Sad, she is only 13 months younger and was raised by her. Am 75 and just last year through Ancestry a gentleman reached out to me saying he thought his Grandfather was my Bio Father and his Mother would be my Sister ... You see, I had ALWAYS believed my Adoptive Dad WAS my Bio Dad and guess what, he was not and indeed I had a Sister, Nephew and learned about my Bio Dad. Met Eva, my Sister last year and she is 9 years younger than me. Quite a surprise indeed. Father's Day, today ... has a lot of emotions for me but for me my Adoptive Dad will ALWAYS be MY Dad ... my Bio Dad for me is just a Sperm Donor ....
Dang! That’s what we get when we’re not motivated by shame.
I shared parts of your story and a link today here - https://missingmom.home.blog/2023/06/18/when-dad-is-a/