Tony, first before all other things, you're my friend. I read with my own baggage...my own childhood, my experience as a woman, as a mother. I have spent most of my awake hours with other people's children. I like imaging your mind growing as a little child. I imagine how your eyes must have followed the adults around you with precision that our adult minds could only hope to comprehend. Your voice, your mind, your self has always been a light I've cherished in the haze of day to day reality. I can't know what you know, but I love reading what you write. I think you are a gift. I'm thankful that you are my friend.
Tony, you have done an amazing job of describing the interplay between the personal perspectives and social realities of adoptees.
Like if I fully stipulated to the view I'm not a victim of adoption and committed my life to acting accordingly what would change? It would not erase what happened and how I feel about it nor would it magically elevate my social standing in contexts where my being adopted is relevant.
Basically people want adoptees to be victims - it's the whole basis for the myth about APs rescuing us, after all - until the second we acknowledge we are, in fact, victims. And when we point out the real, systemic ways adoption victimizes us, they really lose their shit.
Tony, first before all other things, you're my friend. I read with my own baggage...my own childhood, my experience as a woman, as a mother. I have spent most of my awake hours with other people's children. I like imaging your mind growing as a little child. I imagine how your eyes must have followed the adults around you with precision that our adult minds could only hope to comprehend. Your voice, your mind, your self has always been a light I've cherished in the haze of day to day reality. I can't know what you know, but I love reading what you write. I think you are a gift. I'm thankful that you are my friend.
You know I love you, Cynthia. It means so much to me to know that you're reading this and that I have your support.
Wow. Once again, you nailed it.
Thank you, Jamie.
The list of harms created by the circumstances of adoption has such specificity and moral heft—thank you for articulating this so clearly!
Tony, you have done an amazing job of describing the interplay between the personal perspectives and social realities of adoptees.
Like if I fully stipulated to the view I'm not a victim of adoption and committed my life to acting accordingly what would change? It would not erase what happened and how I feel about it nor would it magically elevate my social standing in contexts where my being adopted is relevant.
Basically people want adoptees to be victims - it's the whole basis for the myth about APs rescuing us, after all - until the second we acknowledge we are, in fact, victims. And when we point out the real, systemic ways adoption victimizes us, they really lose their shit.
Fantastic writing, Tony!
Oh, I'm so sorry that she cannot see past her own hurt and hold space for you.
I'm sorry she's like that. It's so common and so frustrating because if anyone could empathize with our mothers, it is us.