I picture my relationship to my childhood memories as something like the view, from an airplane at 30,000 feet, of cloud cover far below. Most of the landscape is hidden behind a gray blankness, save what I can glimpse through the occasional hole. Last night I caught such a glimpse when I suddenly remembered that Greg Louganis, decorated Olympic diver and household name in 1980s USA, was adopted as an infant, and that my adoptive parents extolled him as a role model for me. I Googled his name and found
Greg, accompanied with his husband had a reunion with his birth mother in 2017. I don't cis het people understand why we gay/queer adoptees don't search. It's about rejection. Not only do we have a loss of identity but then we get the message that our sexuality is wrong by our parents and society. It's why I kept quiet about it even now in the adoptee community many of us aren't supported. I am glad he found both parents and his family.
I wasn't aware Louganis was adopted until adulthood and I don't remember knowing of famous adoptees, outside of Christina Crawford because I read her memoir about Joan Crawford, but your account reminds me how much I hated most of the child stars of my era. I deeply resented how they got paid and famous for playacting being the children of people who were not their parents whereas it was a 24/7 unpaid, miserable job for me.
And that carried forth into how I perceived all relationships as transactional and requiring me to perform to keep anyone around me. De-fogging has been a process of learning to appreciate people for who they are and myself as a person of inherent value. (Also being a child star apparently sucks in most cases, I have learned.)
Greg, accompanied with his husband had a reunion with his birth mother in 2017. I don't cis het people understand why we gay/queer adoptees don't search. It's about rejection. Not only do we have a loss of identity but then we get the message that our sexuality is wrong by our parents and society. It's why I kept quiet about it even now in the adoptee community many of us aren't supported. I am glad he found both parents and his family.
Tony, this was beautifully written. It greatly impacted me.
I wasn't aware Louganis was adopted until adulthood and I don't remember knowing of famous adoptees, outside of Christina Crawford because I read her memoir about Joan Crawford, but your account reminds me how much I hated most of the child stars of my era. I deeply resented how they got paid and famous for playacting being the children of people who were not their parents whereas it was a 24/7 unpaid, miserable job for me.
And that carried forth into how I perceived all relationships as transactional and requiring me to perform to keep anyone around me. De-fogging has been a process of learning to appreciate people for who they are and myself as a person of inherent value. (Also being a child star apparently sucks in most cases, I have learned.)
Thank you for sharing this, Tony. What a powerful photo that last one is of GL claiming his original identity back!