This hit me like a right hook. I hate this holiday for many of these reasons, and more. And the addition of Birth Mother’s Day is like salt on an open wound.
Thank you, yet again, Tony for your insightful and honest perspective.
Tony, this is so insightful. I appreciate how clearly you articulate the complicated nature of Mother’s Day for all of us who have complicated feelings about mothers and mothering that don’t fit in a Hallmark card greeting. It especially hit this year as I reflect on the five years I was able to celebrate Mother’s Day with my birth mother before she passed away last summer. Thank you.
Great work, Tony! And oof- that last comical quote hits home- how so many just don’t “get” how painful adoption is. No one jokes about rape and abortion, but somehow adoption has always been fair game as a subject of jokes.
Thank you, Tony, for how thoughtfully you think and write about this complicated, fraught day. May you and your birth mother continue to bring joy to each other.
Not only is it Mother’s Day, but it’s always within a few days of my adoptive mother’s birthday. It’s a reminder of how complicated my relationship with her has been.
I hate picking out cards to begin with. Getting cards for both of those occasions at the same time? Standing in the card aisle becomes one of the most fraught 30-60 minute periods of every single year. It’s hideous.
In the late 80s I was in an adoptee support group “Adoptee Awareness.” They suggested we adopted people might also learn a lot from the Birthmothers at another group, “Concerned United Birthmothers,” or CUB. They opened my eyes to the lifelong grief, worry, shame and pain that my own birthmother could be suffering. The lady who chaired the group was Sherri and as sweet and kind as the day is long.
This hit me like a right hook. I hate this holiday for many of these reasons, and more. And the addition of Birth Mother’s Day is like salt on an open wound.
Thank you, yet again, Tony for your insightful and honest perspective.
Thank you, Candace. I’m sorry if this was a triggering read.
No reason to apologize. This whole time of year is triggering!
I appreciate you and your voice.
Tony, this is so insightful. I appreciate how clearly you articulate the complicated nature of Mother’s Day for all of us who have complicated feelings about mothers and mothering that don’t fit in a Hallmark card greeting. It especially hit this year as I reflect on the five years I was able to celebrate Mother’s Day with my birth mother before she passed away last summer. Thank you.
Thank you so much. It's so hard for us to sort out our feelings and to know how to perform.
Great work, Tony! And oof- that last comical quote hits home- how so many just don’t “get” how painful adoption is. No one jokes about rape and abortion, but somehow adoption has always been fair game as a subject of jokes.
This spoke to me so clearly that I shared some of your thoughts - reflected in my own experiences as well - in my own blog today. You can see it here - https://missingmom.home.blog/2023/05/14/notallmothers/
Thank you for your continued efforts. They are always deeply appreciated by me.
Thank you! 🙏
mother’s day is as messy as all the iterations of motherhood are. thank you for writing this
Thank you for reading ❤️
Thank you Tony❤️
Thank you, Tony, for how thoughtfully you think and write about this complicated, fraught day. May you and your birth mother continue to bring joy to each other.
Thank you ❤️
So very thoughtful, as usual, Tony.
Thank you <3
I really appreciate your thoughts on this. As a first mother, it feels like a day designed for cruelty.
Not only is it Mother’s Day, but it’s always within a few days of my adoptive mother’s birthday. It’s a reminder of how complicated my relationship with her has been.
I hate picking out cards to begin with. Getting cards for both of those occasions at the same time? Standing in the card aisle becomes one of the most fraught 30-60 minute periods of every single year. It’s hideous.
I will read this! Thank you!
Thank you so much for sharing this.
In the late 80s I was in an adoptee support group “Adoptee Awareness.” They suggested we adopted people might also learn a lot from the Birthmothers at another group, “Concerned United Birthmothers,” or CUB. They opened my eyes to the lifelong grief, worry, shame and pain that my own birthmother could be suffering. The lady who chaired the group was Sherri and as sweet and kind as the day is long.