I joke that when I brought my adoptive father and two of my birth mother’s siblings together at my wedding last week, I was the evil mastermind bending them to my will. There is truth in this. But now, nearly one week on, I’m trying to understand how much, or little, I have achieved.
"There is only me, standing in particular relationships to the particular people I care about." - This, line, Tony. THIS. LINE. This line is my entire life. I wonder what it would be like to feel part of a collective, instead of feeling close to one particular person, one at a time.
Thank you so much for sharing, as ever. I hear and receive that the fracture caused by adoption cannot be fully healed, and see that it’s both incredibly brave and vulnerable to gather different ‘spokes’ and know that you cannot control what happens from there. It sounds like there have been precious moments and moments of salt in a lifelong wound, too? What a lot to process.
I am entirely sure that it’s poor consolation to hear that what you share shapes the thinking of others, so I don’t remotely offer this as such, but I do believe that people like you sharing like this has the power to help people dig beneath the surface narratives of adoption, so that others who walk a similar road might not need to shoulder the same level of burden of this emotional work - because the adults involved might have done the reflecting and the relationship building for them, much earlier in life. Thank you for offering your experience to us so openly.
I concur wholeheartedly with previous comments. I am only five years in to the reunion process and it has been brutal. I am very grateful to have discovered your writing, Tony. Not to be cheesy, but your voice really is a light in the darkness for me and I thank you.
Tony, this post brought me to tears. I have been reluctant to share publicly my writing about my adoptive and biological relationships because they are all so fragile, but reading this is like salve for my wounds. Thank you.
Tony! This! I had a similar experience at my wedding in 2018. Your words are so perfect in summing it all up - for all of us adoptees. I am sending this to a few people. “I made no apologies and asked them to gather.” I am so in awe of you. Congratulations on your wedding. I also love the “ace” nickname. Just great! ❤️🙏
Taking a break at the CUB Retreat (Concerned United Birthparents) in Tampa just now, after a weekend of intense conversations with other birth mothers and adoptees, I read this piece and it feels like a part of the ongoing conversation we are all having here along the lines of how to survive our experience of adoption. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights. I hope someday you might join us at a retreat.
"There is only me, standing in particular relationships to the particular people I care about." - This, line, Tony. THIS. LINE. This line is my entire life. I wonder what it would be like to feel part of a collective, instead of feeling close to one particular person, one at a time.
Thank you so much for sharing, as ever. I hear and receive that the fracture caused by adoption cannot be fully healed, and see that it’s both incredibly brave and vulnerable to gather different ‘spokes’ and know that you cannot control what happens from there. It sounds like there have been precious moments and moments of salt in a lifelong wound, too? What a lot to process.
I am entirely sure that it’s poor consolation to hear that what you share shapes the thinking of others, so I don’t remotely offer this as such, but I do believe that people like you sharing like this has the power to help people dig beneath the surface narratives of adoption, so that others who walk a similar road might not need to shoulder the same level of burden of this emotional work - because the adults involved might have done the reflecting and the relationship building for them, much earlier in life. Thank you for offering your experience to us so openly.
I concur wholeheartedly with previous comments. I am only five years in to the reunion process and it has been brutal. I am very grateful to have discovered your writing, Tony. Not to be cheesy, but your voice really is a light in the darkness for me and I thank you.
Tony, this post brought me to tears. I have been reluctant to share publicly my writing about my adoptive and biological relationships because they are all so fragile, but reading this is like salve for my wounds. Thank you.
Tony! This! I had a similar experience at my wedding in 2018. Your words are so perfect in summing it all up - for all of us adoptees. I am sending this to a few people. “I made no apologies and asked them to gather.” I am so in awe of you. Congratulations on your wedding. I also love the “ace” nickname. Just great! ❤️🙏
Taking a break at the CUB Retreat (Concerned United Birthparents) in Tampa just now, after a weekend of intense conversations with other birth mothers and adoptees, I read this piece and it feels like a part of the ongoing conversation we are all having here along the lines of how to survive our experience of adoption. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and insights. I hope someday you might join us at a retreat.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
There is a deep sadness of recognition in me reading your story.